Dumping the 'have to's'

The snow is nearly gone, the sap is running, we are having consistent highs in the 50's. My blood is singing with thoughts of planting pasture, baby chicks and the Grass Works Family Farm. The land purchase contract is agreed upon. We are now working on a maintenance agreement for the driveway. The land we are purchasing sits back 800 feet from the road. We are buying a strip of driveway 800ft x 33ft. This will satisfy county code requirements and allow us to build on this 20 acres. The problem is the easement; the driveway the only point on ingress/egress for the neighbor to the north (Mr Nice Farmer's Dad). He has 160? acres of farmland adjacent to us which he leases for manure spreading and crops. We will share our driveway with a stready stream of heavily loaded manure tank trucks for 2-3 days each spring and fall, as well as the ginormous tractors, combines, etc which go along with big ag.



We thought long and hard about this before offering to buy this land. We are choosing to move out here and will not protest the realities of country living. It's only a few days each year. However if we build a driveway so my little Saturn can navigate the snowcovered hill- these trucks will squash it(the driveway -hopefully not the Saturn!). So we are working on an agreement that basically says if you break it, you fix it back up.

Part of me is really hoping they will just say-aw heck, lets just forget this fussy driveway and create a new track on the other side of the field. It's not a deal breaker but it sure would be nice! We are already planning a thick brushy row of trees and grasses to serve as a visual barrier/wildlife corridor/manure run off barrier.

I have also realized that I cannot try to think about selling house/building house until the land deal is done. That is PART of what was driving me off the deep end. Too many 'what if's'. Land first, then house stuff, then career stuff.

Ruth and Ms Effie both mentioned career choices (in their own unique ways!) as a way to a healthier mind and body. For the past year I have been allowing myself to picture alternate career paths. I am becoming resentful of the responsibility my career in its current form entails, it is too much pressure for me. I sometimes want to scream when I hear the phone ring or hear the door chimes ring-GO AWAY, I can't fix anymore problems, I'm empty, I have nothing left for you. Not a good feeling. When I am 'full' I love to help people; it gives me such pleasure.

I will find that happy place where my life is not full of should and have to but want to and love to.