Funk

*** Nothing to see here folks just some blog venting instead of seeking professional help-ha***

I am in a funk (again), this is such a recurrent theme for me. I'm up, I'm down; repeat weekly, daily, even hourly. While this is a pretty normal thing for me,this yo-yoing up and down feels like it has been increasing in amplitude over the past few (years?)(months?).
A few contributing factors:
*Realizing that I don't like being the boss. I'm an indian not a chief-or maybe it would be better if I was the chief of a smaller tribe :). Sorry not a very PC metaphor but it's all I got. Our clinic is growing and profitable but I do not feel connecting to it -it makes me tired and pays the bills. Although I do enjoy being 'somebody' in the community.
*I think I may be in pre-menopause. I have begun getting my period every 2 1/2 -3 weeks. Yuck. Along with the 'get out of my way I am having sugar RIGHT NOW' which accompanies above mentioned period. I will go in for my annual exam -i am overdue (by about 12 months!)
*Then there is the moving/lifestyle change we are attempting. Really won't it be the same lifestyle just with a longer commute, a new school district, and fewer neighbors/resources to draw from. I am seeing that our vision for this place hinges on one of us being home alot, can we afford that? What if our house doesn't sell, how long can we pay two mortgages (indefinitely-IF i work more-but that isn't the point).

I am being whiny and scared but this is REAL, not one of those glossy pie in the sky blogs. And I am a REAL person- not super mom, veterinarian of the year, blah blah blah.

Some pictures to make me smile and remember what this is all about:








It's working -feeling better already. These are all pictures of the things which are most important in my life. That is the hopefull idea I will hold on to, which will give my the courage to go forward and be brave!
Peace
Kris

Just a thought...perhaps SAD is a coping mechanism for the winter. My heritage is northern european, where the winters are long an unrelenting. My theory is Seasonal Affective Disorder is a trait which was selected for in the far North. How better to survive 6 months of winter than to withdraw and sleep alot. Evolution at its best! Instead of thinking 'what is wrong with me' go with it (up to a point- I realize that SAD can be very severe in some folks). Be sure to get plenty of outdoor exercise and don't totally withdraw, but what is wrong with sleeping a little more??
I am curious how many of you'all are affected by SAD (on a scale of 1(best)-10 (worst)) and what is your genetic background?
We looked as some more land yesterday...had two really nice walks in the woods at least. It seems that we can find land which is wooded and beautiful or land which is in crops but nothing which has a little of each! One of us will have to settle and as Tom points out it takes longer to grow a forest than to clear a field, (I guess that depends on who is pulling the stumps ;}). I am leaning towards the woods which is landlocked-it will be less expensive and then we are 100% comitted to being off the grid. Hmmm I seem to be drawn to the remote and inaccessable, what does that say abotu me?? K