Did your mom ever tell you 'if you don't have anything good to say...'? Well I've been pretty quiet lately for that very reason. Last week was one of those black times for me. It seems every few months around my period I have a few days where I just want to crawl under the covers, curl up and cry-for no particular reason. Or get under those covers with a big piece of chocolate and a book. I've been exercising regularly and not eating much sugar so I know those are NOT contributing factors. I think narcissism and depression are on opposite ends of a spectrum which is too self-involved. Both personalities focus inwardly-thinking only of themselves, but where the narcissist has these grandiose ideas and inflated self-worth, the depressed person is focused inwardly on their own misery and anxiety. Take these ideas for what they are worth, just some random thoughts.
I was on medication for post-partum depression 10+ years ago and hated the zombie deadness. No pain, but no joy either. I am generally a pretty buoyant person, I will take the few days of chocolate under the covers over steady state zombie any day.
I am coming back to myself now, hormones are normalizing and I was kicked out of my little cocoon of self-involvement to be an vendor at an Alternative Holiday Market. More on that later-i am still sorting through some ideas which have been planted in this fertile ground between my ears. (fertile or just full of shit-time will tell)
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
MOSES Conference
Are any of you Midwestern readers going to the MOSES (midwest organic and sustainable education service) Organic Farming Conference in LaCrosse, WI this Febuary?? I just learned of this organization and (if we actually have a place to farm next year)DH and I would like to attend. They have a wonderful mentoring program for new organic farmers! I was just wondering if any of you Midwestern folks are going, it would be fun to meet you!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Specialist or Generalist?
So I'm a bit of a doomer. These days if you haven't had an uneasy feeling about the future you must be completely sleepwalking through life-eyes wide shut. I have been waking up to the fact that the status-quo will change, has to change as we run out of cheap energy, as sea levels rise and human migration occurs. I have no idea when any of this will happen or how; will it be slow and orderly or an apocalyptic four horsemen type ordeal? I have written before about adapting being the key to making the best of changes/surviving an apocalypse. This is the background coloring my general take on the future -yeah, cheery.
I am approaching a crossroad in my career where I need to decide -specialist or generalist. Our clinic has been changing alot over the past year, the level of care has gone up, we are providing really quality medicine and looking to push our selves further-with the purchase of an ultrasound-Doppler flow so our ACVIM DVM can start doing cardiology consults along with standard abdominal US. I have to admit to coasting a bit in the last two years- I have not been burned out and not very focused on my career. If I wish to perform at MY self-expected level within this practice I have some work to do, focused continuing education, a big backlog of journals to digest- I have NO wish to be the practice owner who is years behind, medically speaking. Part of me is excited by this prospect-we have a great group of veterinarians and clients who would appreciate this level of care for their beloved babies. This is the route the industry tells us a 'healthy practice' should strive for; specialization and a high standard of care (along with a healthy bottom line).
But the flip side is that I am feeling increasingly uncomfortable about where we are headed. We can do X for your dog, it but should we? Human health care costs have spiraled so high, and I can see similar things happening to veterinary care (but minus the insurance issues!). I am legally obligated to inform a client about the 'standard of care' for a particular issue. With the advent of the Internet the standard of care for Smallsville Wisconsin is the same as that in the most affluent Manhattan neighborhood. I can't bear to see my clients wrestle with the idea that the best option for their pet's condition is a procedure or medication which is so far out of their reach financially, I can't bear to see them feel like a failure because they cannot afford the best care or even the second best care. But it has to be offered. Period. Even to little old ladies with rusted out barely running cars, who are already supporting their unemployed daughter in FL and has a diabetic 14 yr old cat who really needs a dental (sorry, she is one of my clients!)
With our (planned) move to our (planned) homestead next summer, I have the opportunity to re-think my career. Perhaps I should become a generalist. Instead of investing my time into brushing up on cutting edge small animal medicine, I should learn (or should I say re-learn) about beef cows, small ruminants, and chickens. Will the need shift away from animals as surrogate children and back to animals as tools for survival with-in my working lifetime? Will pharmaceuticals be available at a reasonable price for animals? Should I concentrate on husbandry -not letting them get sick in the first place-will people be willing to pay $ (or firewood) for that? Should I learn to be a veterinary herbalist and grow my own medicine. This is where I am leaning, it scares the crap out of me, honestly.
Thanks for reading my rambling-I need to put thoughts into words and paragraphs to see how they hit my 'gut'. In writing this out I can see where my heart is taking me. Now to figure out how to make it work and still pay the bills.
Kris
PS-Mr Nice Farmer is interested in pursuing the land contract (maybe he needs the money just a little bit more than he let on). We would buy outright the easement and the building site (maybe 4 acres?) and write a contract for the rest. That will make the bank happy, and me too!
I am approaching a crossroad in my career where I need to decide -specialist or generalist. Our clinic has been changing alot over the past year, the level of care has gone up, we are providing really quality medicine and looking to push our selves further-with the purchase of an ultrasound-Doppler flow so our ACVIM DVM can start doing cardiology consults along with standard abdominal US. I have to admit to coasting a bit in the last two years- I have not been burned out and not very focused on my career. If I wish to perform at MY self-expected level within this practice I have some work to do, focused continuing education, a big backlog of journals to digest- I have NO wish to be the practice owner who is years behind, medically speaking. Part of me is excited by this prospect-we have a great group of veterinarians and clients who would appreciate this level of care for their beloved babies. This is the route the industry tells us a 'healthy practice' should strive for; specialization and a high standard of care (along with a healthy bottom line).
But the flip side is that I am feeling increasingly uncomfortable about where we are headed. We can do X for your dog, it but should we? Human health care costs have spiraled so high, and I can see similar things happening to veterinary care (but minus the insurance issues!). I am legally obligated to inform a client about the 'standard of care' for a particular issue. With the advent of the Internet the standard of care for Smallsville Wisconsin is the same as that in the most affluent Manhattan neighborhood. I can't bear to see my clients wrestle with the idea that the best option for their pet's condition is a procedure or medication which is so far out of their reach financially, I can't bear to see them feel like a failure because they cannot afford the best care or even the second best care. But it has to be offered. Period. Even to little old ladies with rusted out barely running cars, who are already supporting their unemployed daughter in FL and has a diabetic 14 yr old cat who really needs a dental (sorry, she is one of my clients!)
With our (planned) move to our (planned) homestead next summer, I have the opportunity to re-think my career. Perhaps I should become a generalist. Instead of investing my time into brushing up on cutting edge small animal medicine, I should learn (or should I say re-learn) about beef cows, small ruminants, and chickens. Will the need shift away from animals as surrogate children and back to animals as tools for survival with-in my working lifetime? Will pharmaceuticals be available at a reasonable price for animals? Should I concentrate on husbandry -not letting them get sick in the first place-will people be willing to pay $ (or firewood) for that? Should I learn to be a veterinary herbalist and grow my own medicine. This is where I am leaning, it scares the crap out of me, honestly.
Thanks for reading my rambling-I need to put thoughts into words and paragraphs to see how they hit my 'gut'. In writing this out I can see where my heart is taking me. Now to figure out how to make it work and still pay the bills.
Kris
PS-Mr Nice Farmer is interested in pursuing the land contract (maybe he needs the money just a little bit more than he let on). We would buy outright the easement and the building site (maybe 4 acres?) and write a contract for the rest. That will make the bank happy, and me too!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Setbacks
Setbacks-plural-as in more than one!
Setback number one: call from nice bank lady, the appraised value of the 20 acres is $40,000. Nice farmer wants no less than $3,000 per acre. If we want to proceed we will have to come up with the difference. Instead of the $7,500 down payment we were anticipating, we would have to cough up $27,500. Yikes. We have it, but it would not leave us much for a house. I am fairly certain nice farmer will not bring his price down, he has said this before. I am fairly certain we will not spend the lion's share of our hoarded savings on land down payment. Delaying the move into a more sustainable home/lifestyle is not something I am willing to do. I am anxious enough as it is about waiting until spring to build/sell our house. I continue to wonder when this house of cards we call an economy will come down around us. I worry about inflation and interest rates. I just plain worry. Time to think outside the box.
Setback number two: actually not a setback but a not moving forward. Less than 1 lb loss last week. I swam 4 times last week, but didn't keep track of food intake. My little shortcut was not helpful and I have learned a lesson. Write it ALL down and have a plan the night before. I was/am pissed for faltering but in a good-strengthening resolve kind of way. Lifting weights yesterday helped alot. I forgot how much I loved lifting, not I just need to find my old Powerman5000 and Metallica cassettes to put in my Walkman- ha, ha.
Setback number one: call from nice bank lady, the appraised value of the 20 acres is $40,000. Nice farmer wants no less than $3,000 per acre. If we want to proceed we will have to come up with the difference. Instead of the $7,500 down payment we were anticipating, we would have to cough up $27,500. Yikes. We have it, but it would not leave us much for a house. I am fairly certain nice farmer will not bring his price down, he has said this before. I am fairly certain we will not spend the lion's share of our hoarded savings on land down payment. Delaying the move into a more sustainable home/lifestyle is not something I am willing to do. I am anxious enough as it is about waiting until spring to build/sell our house. I continue to wonder when this house of cards we call an economy will come down around us. I worry about inflation and interest rates. I just plain worry. Time to think outside the box.
Setback number two: actually not a setback but a not moving forward. Less than 1 lb loss last week. I swam 4 times last week, but didn't keep track of food intake. My little shortcut was not helpful and I have learned a lesson. Write it ALL down and have a plan the night before. I was/am pissed for faltering but in a good-strengthening resolve kind of way. Lifting weights yesterday helped alot. I forgot how much I loved lifting, not I just need to find my old Powerman5000 and Metallica cassettes to put in my Walkman- ha, ha.
Monday, November 16, 2009
A New Week
What a great morning! I am feeling very energized and optimistic. I just retruned from the YMCA -I swam for 30 minutes. I used their 'swim flippers' and felt like I got a much better work-out-more resistance for my leg muscles (plus going fast is much more fun). Once my endurance is better I will look into adult swimming lessons so I can be a 'real' swimmer :)
I have found myself sort of 'wandering' on my days off. When I am not working I don't really know what to do with myself. Garden is done, food storage is done, there are no 'fires' to put out. Not that my checkbook is balanced and the house is clean, etc but there is no emergency demanding my attention so I sort mess around here and fool around with that, not really accomplishing anything.
My solution is the start my FlyLady routines again. It you are a hopelessly disorganized, easily sidetracked kind of person (like me) adding these little routines to your days/weeks will help! I need to know what I have scheduled myself to do so I don't spend half the morning making lists and priorizing , etc, etc instead of just doing them (15 minutes at a time -you can do anything for 15 minutes !)
Another postive note. I have found my brain again! It has been at least 3 weeks since I have 'lost' my wallet (or keys, or fill-in-the-blank-here). This is a good thing I was worrying that I was an early Alzheimers candidate, but it was really just too much stress.
I have found myself sort of 'wandering' on my days off. When I am not working I don't really know what to do with myself. Garden is done, food storage is done, there are no 'fires' to put out. Not that my checkbook is balanced and the house is clean, etc but there is no emergency demanding my attention so I sort mess around here and fool around with that, not really accomplishing anything.
My solution is the start my FlyLady routines again. It you are a hopelessly disorganized, easily sidetracked kind of person (like me) adding these little routines to your days/weeks will help! I need to know what I have scheduled myself to do so I don't spend half the morning making lists and priorizing , etc, etc instead of just doing them (15 minutes at a time -you can do anything for 15 minutes !)
Another postive note. I have found my brain again! It has been at least 3 weeks since I have 'lost' my wallet (or keys, or fill-in-the-blank-here). This is a good thing I was worrying that I was an early Alzheimers candidate, but it was really just too much stress.
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