Back to Work

I've been kinda quiet here on the blog lately.  Rest assured that I have been working hard.  Last week I was  filling in for a veterinarian who took his wife on a well deserved vacation to somewhere tropical.  Nine hours a day plus an hour of driving on either end.  I did get an unheard of, actual whole hour to sit down and eat lunch in the middle of the day!  I has happy to do it for a couple of reasons the first of which is income. An hourly independent contractor rate is pretty sweet.  Second and equally important was restoring my faith in my abilities.  I left my practice almost a year ago burned out and uncaring.  It was a relief to see that I've still got 'it'.  I really enjoyed engaging with his clients and staff, dare I say I've even missed it.  What I did realize is that veterinary medicine is not the all encompasing passion it once was for me.  Somewhere I lost the passion which used to keep me up at night reading about new drugs, procedures, customer service tips, etc.   When I lost that passion I stopped feeling qualified, I started doubting.  I wasn't sure if I was good enough and tough cases really stressed me out.  What if I couldn't fix them, what is wrong, maybe they would be better off under someone elses care?  That self doubt would eat at me(-I'm getting that nauseous feeling in my stomach right now just writing about it!)  This realization helped me to see that if I go back to veterinary medicine it will need to be from passion, from an all consuming drive, confident that I am extremely skilled and able to give my profession 100% of my mind (herbal?, acupuncture? consulting for organic producers?).  Anything less will bring me back to where I was a year ago. 
New Business:  thirty pigs, 200 chickens, farmers market and Slow Food Wausau! ( just a teaser for tomorrow)

I can...but should I?

I have been thinking about my job lot lately. Thinking about how our business is growing in one direction and personally I am growing in another direction. All the messages I receive are to practice the best medicine possible. This comes from continuing education, journals, personal communications, etc. We all strive to do our personal best and I am no exception. But more and more 'best medicine' seems to be synonymous with 'spend big money'. I do tend to watch out for my clients pocketbooks above my own, so perhaps this is just my own hang-up about money rearing its ugly head.
More and more people (especially in the more urban of the two clinics) see their pets as little people. I might be better off working with livestock, fewer messy emotions. No internal deliberations on my part...she just lost her job, can't afford to pay rent and here I am telling her her cat NEEDS a dental -its the best medicine I can provide. I don't like laying guilt trips on people, hmmm maybe another hang-up of my own as i am exquisitely sensitive to guilt trips.
I think it was easier (on me) when I could say -your cat is yellow and has lost 1/2 its body weight-you need to put her to sleep. Now I am legally obligated to say I MIGHT be able to save her with xyz diagnostics and hospitalization and it will cost about $1000. If this was a nice heifer and it made financial sense to try to save her -great. But this is a cat -how do you measure up the benefits of companionship and the affection you feel for her? The human-pet bond is an amazing thing but when it goes bad it just tears me up.