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Sunday, December 7, 2008

Catch up time

It has been a long time since my last post! There have been alot of things going on--mostly between my ears :) I have been working out 5-6 days a week and it is both depressing and empowering. Depressing because at one point in my life I had lost nearly 50 lb and was lifting weights like a fiend-to the point where I was considering entering an amateur body-building contest. Now here i am again-nearly 40 with 50+ lbs to loose-but now with 2 kids, a business and a husband to care for ( he thinks he is self sufficient but he is not --haha). Empowering because I AM doing it. It is very hard to care for myself before others but I am getting the hang of it.

Working out has really helped me to stay in the moment, I suffer from anxiety attacks sometimes-when every thing seems so out of control. I have come to realize that these episodes of anxiety are the result of getting out of the moment-obsessing about next weeks or months work schedule, or thinking about ALL the things I should do around the house-instead of thinking about what I need to do TODAY. It really takes a concentrated effort to pull back once the anxiety cycle starts but a good session on the treadmill helps alot, its a walking (and running) meditation.

We had let the land search cool off and I think some time was what we really needed. Looking at some of these pieces of land helped us to define what it is we are looking for. I think we will wait for spring and offer to buy the property next to my Dad's place-it is not for sale now but it sounds like she is considering a move. I would like to be close to my family and DH is good with that as well. We would be able to help each other-him with kids getting off the bus and we can help him as he gets older. This is a significant departure from our original ideal of building an off grid home, but instead we can consider a remodel and it has a large barn and several outbuildings !! I am at peace with this idea -it feels right.

We are taking delivery of 1/2 grass fed beef in a week or two --i am excited about beef! Sorry Dad-we love your chickens but now we are ready to mix it up a little! We also have our garage as weatherproofed as we can get it and DH is wood working again-it is good to see him happy and not bored in front of the tube! The home made christmas gift workshop is up and running again! I'll post a few pictures after christmas -sorry family no peeking!

On a sad note my worms have passed on to the big bin in the sky! We had hundreds of fruit flies in our house and they were breeding in the bins-so the bins were put outside to freeze. Maybe the worm eggs will survive until spring. ??

Thanks for reading and stay warm out there! K

1 comment:

Gina said...

Hey! I could have written this post, y'know! (Well, other than the weight lifting part, but I too lost a bunch of weight working out and I am now 50 lbs OW with two kids and a "self-sufficient"-ha ha-husband!)I'm also getting close to 40 (geez when did that happen???)

I also get anxiety attacks when I feel overwhelmed.

I hope you feel better soon and the sense of power overpowers the depression. :)