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Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Winter Walk



This weekend my husband and I ditched the children :) and took a much needed woods walk. It was about 15 degrees but sunny and no wind. I had my new Carharts and was ready to roll! We walked our newly surveyed 20 acres and then slipped into Dad's adjacent woods. It was a great work-out! I didn't think we had enough snow to warrant the snow shoes but we forgot what the wind does out there. The sun and the sweat and the dream of things to come were just what we both needed!


An 'island' of grass with lots of mouse activity


Birds in the fencerow


Rabbits


Raccoon!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Wild Dreams


I have a post today at Homemakers Who Work about my fun with sourdough starter!

My first week of WW was pretty good, lost 2 lbs though I was hoping for something more dramatic. I got a little depressed about the reality of this weight loss goal... 50lbs divided by 2 lbs per week equals flipping forever. But the journey starts with a single step and all that. I can choose to give up and feel bad or I can plug along 2 pounds at a time. I have the opportunity to choose where I want to be in 25 weeks. I can see myself getting really bored with the point counting though. I will work on standardizing my meals a little so I don't have to think too much about what I should eat for lunch, etc. I will also start the Y.

I had the craziest dream. I walked out of my business without locking the door, when I returned later that night the cash drawer was empty-I was so mad! The dream then switched to me finding a rave going on, all these sophisticated, beautiful people having a great time in my office. In the dream I was very short, wearing dumpy clothes and felt very insignificant. It doesn't take a therapy session to figure this one out. I have been wrestling with what to do career-wise. I am not really comfortable about being the boss, I am not business/accounting/inventory/human resources savvy-nor particularly motivated to become so. So sell the beast-my partner is willing to buy my % back. But it is profitable, there is job security which goes along with being an owner, as well as a certain prestige which goes along with ownership. My dream was obviously the result of my subconscious wrestling match. Should I continue to party with the beautiful people or walk out and let the money be stolen from the cash drawer?? Time will tell.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Inadequate

The dream went like this...our staff being questioned by a panel, they are sitting in judgement. One of our employees says 'well ONE of our vets IS very good...' she then turns to me and says 'Dr Kris-you are very special too.' Geesh, feeling a little inadequate am I? I have been feeling out of place at work, like our clinic is headed in a direction I personaly do not want to go. We have some fairly new DVM's woking for us--super smart, very organized, current on all the new drugs and treatment protocols. But lacking in something-empathy? Experience? maybe lacking in nothing --just me wanting to feel like I have something to offer. I feel more and more like we are acting like MD's, ordering tests to be sure we cannot be accused of not practicing up to the 'standard of care', lots of Cover Your Ass. I AM burned out, I am not excited about learning new stuff right now. I need to get past this apathy.
I have been thinking alot about studying to become a certified (?) herbalist-is there some body who certifies herbalists? I guess I will find out.
I have been thinking alot about TEOTWAWKI, how will we heal ourselves when/if big pharma is not available or too expensive for most people - let alone pets. I love the idea of being able to combine things i enjoy. Growing things, creating a beautiful fertile space and helping people through caring for their animals.. Corney -possibly, okay very! This winter I am going to research my top 10 9or so) herbs to grow for healing (for myself and my family) if I enjoy it and make progress on learning in a none structured way -then i will allow my self to make the herbal DVM a goal instead of a daydream.



Thyme flowers

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Take the Power

"This life is yours.
Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well.
Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly.
Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature.
Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you.
Take the power to make your life happy.”
By Susan Polis Schulz

Thank you dear sister Tracy for this quote. I have kept this framed quote you gave me years back and am ready to REALLY take it to heart. I have been a passive participant in my own life for a long time. I jumped into the river of life and have allowed it to sweep me away. It has been beautiful and exciting and at times overwhelming, but I am ready to steer my own course out of the main channel with all of its rocks and whitewater. I am ready for some quiet eddies and deep brown pools overhung with green boughs. I'll need to paddle a bit to get there, and the current is always tugging me back. Persistence, patience, I have the power to get there.
Peace, Kris

Friday, May 15, 2009

For Your Viewing Pleasure



View of barn from ArkWorks Farm, the farm needs lots of TLC. Lots of junk laying around and outbuildings (like that corn crib) which are dilapidated. The barn is still in good shape-structurally.



My garden-raised beds approx 2 1/2 feet wide x 15 ft long with lots of lawn clippings in the walkways the rest of this fenced area will be sown in cover crops-the soil is very clay-like.



The laying flock temporarily housed in apple orchard. Banties and leghorns. Any idea what the big black rooster is? He is very mild tempered toward people, and has this beautiful green sheen. He was included as a free 'rare' breed with last years cornish cross meat birds.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

On Big Rocks and Small Potatoes

I've been pretty quiet for a few weeks. I have not been very good company for my family, my co-workers, my clients or my blogger friends. I had withdrawn into my protective shell and am now just starting to peek out. In the last 4 weeks I have re-read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and finished the entire Twilight series-that is what I do to escape and I have had it BAD lately. I look back and think -what a waste of time! But it was what I needed.

I've been thinking about big rocks. I have been scattered and not focused on the important things in my life. Tom and i attended a time management class a few years ago sponsered by Franklin Covey. The take home message was this: your time is finite, fill it with the most important things first, the not so important things can fit around the so called 'big rocks' like river sand. My big rocks are my children, my husband, my health. I realized my business is not even close to a big rock-so why am I filling my life with it? Now I need a job to make money just like anyone else, but this business takes up a disproportionate amount of my life. When I am not at work I am thinking about it (and resenting it). I plan to sell my portion of the clinic within the year. But first the exciting news...

After much soul searching, Tom and I have decided to place our house on the market. I hope to have it ready to show by June 1st. It looks like we will be able to buy the farm adjacent to my fathers place. It is a 100 yr old farmhouse which is partially remodeled, a nice barn (which will need some new roofing) and a bunch of out buildings which probably just need to be knocked down! She would like to sell 20 of her 40 acres (we want first dibs of the other 20). I am calm and happy about moving our family out there but a mess when considering getting our house ready to be looked at by strangers. I am paralyzed right now...where to start. It doesn't matter I just need to start!

My (very first) garden is going well, no great! Not that anything is really up, but it is so much fun! The girls and I planted potatoes last weekend (10 lbs of seed potatoes--caribe, rose gold, yukon gold and i think pink cloud), onion sets, spinach, beets, swiss chard and kolrabi and some peas are in. Today I am headed out with more lwn clippings for the walkways and to finish the garden gate. I will also finish the chicken tractor. This time I will remember to bring the camera so I can post some pictures.

Erin (the 11 yr old) will be in her first horse show this weekend. She rides saddle seat on one of the lesson horses both sat and sun. I am so proud of her! I was a horse crazy kid too, so I love being able to give her this experience.

Thanks for listening my heat feels lighter already!

(Christy -thanks for the great book review on 'One Second After'- scarey and totally plausable. It has me revisiting food storage and self reliancy in a less abstract way.)

Monday, February 23, 2009

where dreams and responsibility collide

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. But I was in Las Vegas for a professional meeting, which is pretty much the same thing! Las Vegas is another world IMHO. It was good to get away for a while but even better to come home! I have avoided total burnout -for the time being anyway.
My 10 year old daughter is signing up for her middle school classes. She has opted to take all EDGE classes, which are accelerated classes. She is also getting excited about Forensics and Band class. DH and I are finding it very hard to take the chicks out of this school district. We have been listing the pros and cons of each location in our minds. We have decided stay where we are. We have about 3/4 of an acre in a quiet neighborhood, a fantastic (but big) school district, we are both within 3 miles of our work, and my Mom lives 5 blocks from us. We are going to focus on the urban homestead but still have our camper on Dad's 40 to play and cut wood on.
I am more than a little sad about this, but also excited about the potential to turn our lot into a model for what can be done 'where you are'. The drama queen in me still wants to turn my back on my normal and socially acceptable life, but the parent and responsible adult knows this will be a good thing. I will still cut way back on hours in May once we have more help at work. There is no buyer for my portion of the business in the near future so retreating just is not realistic. Ugh! This responsible crap is not any fun. I will put away 'escape to the country' for now and concentrate on energy conservation, creating vegetable gardens, fruit trees, and time with my girls.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

In My Grandfather's House-Final

In My Grandfather’s House… final
By: Amie Johnson 1976

On the other long wall opposite the fireplace you could see the loom and Grandfather’s carpenter bench. Both always seemed to be busy for Grandmother wove all the cloth and blankets needed for the family; and Grandfather, working with wood and leather, repaired, mended, and made all the farm and home equipment.
I spent many happy hours at grandfather’s workbench. At first I watched; then I learned to use the tools by carving pegs, wooden bowls and spoons. Using the last, I learned to make shoes. By the time I was fourteen, I was making shoes, wooden bowls, and spoon for myself and others in the family who wanted them.
Above the bench hung the tools; the metal part for these were forged in the blacksmith shop near the stables. Under the bench was stacked the raw materials for making things. I recall seeing dried lumber, tanned leather, wagon wheels and furniture to be finished or repaired. I learned to make benches, skis, and water pails that didn’t leak; and here I made my own chest or trunk.
At the other end of the house beyond the carpenter bench was the parents’ bedroom—usually open to the living room. A woven curtain hanging from a pole could be drawn across the entrance when privacy was desired. A straw mattress lay on hewed planks that were held together with cross pieces and wooden pegs. This rested on saw-horse legs. Concealed underneath was a smaller bed which could be pulled out at night for the two youngest children. There were wooden pegs on one wall where garments were hung. A small table holding a copper bowl with tallow and wick completed the furnishings.
The low ceiling above the bedroom and “gung” was also the floor for the storage loft above. This alcove had a small window and was open to the living room for better circulation of air. One could look up and see the woven materials suspended from poles—ready for the tailor who came around in spring. Grandmother Engel once told me that a visitor judged a family’s wealth by the number of woven pieces displayed in the loft, as well as the amount of smoked meat hanging from the rafters!
Also visible from the living room below were the cedar chests, decorated with rosemaling, where each member of the family stored his personal possessions. The name of the owner and the date of birth were painted on the front, embellished with fancy scrolls in bright colors.
Upon climbing the ladder and passing the stacks of dried flatbread, you would see a cot directly under the small window. This was reserved for the schoolmaster who traveled from one home to another while teaching the children in each district. The midsummer nights were as light as day until 10 o’clock and that is when I found time to sit up here and read from the schoolmaster’s library. Books that dealt with biography and history whetted my appetite for more learning.
When you realize the fact that my grandfather was five years older that Abraham Lincoln and then compare the homes they lived in, then you can see that Grandfathers house had many treasures. I’m glad that I was there to enjoy them.”

As told by Andreas Fluge Johnson in the year 1955

I have two more stories like-one is more about Grandmother Engel, and the second is a recounting of another relatives crossing to America and eventually establishing a homestead in Tigerton WI.

Thanks for reading--I find these recollections really moving-but I guess that is because they are part of my heritage. I'm also trying to glean some insight about their lives and find a way to incorporate some old traditions into my new life. Kris

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Winter, Go Away!

We had a close call this weekend. My oldest daughter was tentatively diagnosed with Whooping cough and our family was quarantined for three days until the results came in -negative! So we had three days of family togetherness which was nice. Rearranging work schedules was not fun but it all turned out fine in the end. We have had a local outbreak and one child in her class was positively diagnosed.

I am having a big case of the blahs. I'm feeling panicked/anxious which is typical for me in the week before my period. I'd really like to crawl into bed with a meaningless but fun book and an endless cup of hot cocoa.

I am going to 'Sin City' in a couple of weeks for a conference-I need to log 30 hours of CE every other year for my professional license. I am looking forward to it, I need some help to turn me off this trail of burn-out I am currently on. I dread it because i know i will be in 'domestic debt' for leaving my husband alone with the girl. I am going to attend some of the small ruminant lectures-goats, sheep, llamas, oh my! If I want to own them I better learn more!

On the up side -while cleaning my closet I found some family reunion/history documents I had stored (thrown) in there. There are stories and drawing of the home my great-great-great-(great?) grandfather lived in Norway. Beltane rituals, food storage and preparation, these are taking on a whole new significance for me as I try to go back (forward) to a new way of life. I will spend some time copying a few stories into my blog as I have time.

Erin the Red

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I'm Back

I haven't been posting for a while. I have been holding my breath...and now it is time to breathe again (before I turn blue!). I have been waiting all week to meet with the woman who's property we wish to buy. She owns the farmstead next to my fathers land. It went well, she IS interested in selling this spring. So I will begin to breathe again and start looking/thinking forward again. She showed us around a little and my ideas are less abstract now!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Running

I had the most wonderful dream last night... no not that! It was better than that ;D ...LOL. In my dream I was running and it was so beautiful, so free and graceful. I felt so powerful, like I could go forever, sigh. In real life my extra 50lbs are weighing on me very heavily, my joints hurt and I walk funny for a few steps after getting up. I have been working out 5 days a week for the past week and a half, lifting weights too and my whole body aches in places I'd forgotten I have ! I believe one of my legs is shorter than the other-when I walk on the treadmill I make the most horrible racket; step, CLOMP, step, CLOMP... I have to turn up the ipod or I can't stand it. It's hell getting old. My running days are behind me so I choose to believe the dream is a vision from the future-a metaphor for my life rather than a lament for what used to be. Happy Halloween. K